


Talking to People

by ifesbob



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Sterling Archer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifesbob/pseuds/ifesbob
Summary: Archer talks to Malory and Lana about whether he is autistic
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	Talking to People

“So do you want the assignment or not?” Malory asks her son.

“Obviously” Archer replies, taking a sip from his glass, “by the way, am I autistic?”

“Wh- no.” Malory answers.

“Lana seems to think so”

“Who cares what she thinks?” Malory asks incredulously. 

“Well, I do, and there’s a chance she’s right.”

“Oh, please. Don’t you think I would know that?”

“You aren’t exactly Mother-Of-The-Year”

“Please,” Malory pauses, taking a sip from her own glass, “besides, you have sex with every woman you come across.”

At this moment, Lana walks into the office.

“So, is Archer coming on this assignment or not?” she asks

“Of course he is. By the way, did you say he was autistic?” Malory answers

“I- Yeah, but I already apologized” she said

“About that. It got me thinking, maybe I am” Archer said. God, why did I bring this up? Archer thinks.

“Look, it was something I said under duress. I didn’t mean it.” Lana says

“You did say you were serious” Archer responds.

“Yeah, you know, maybe you are. So what? We were supposed to be on our way 20 minutes ago!”

“Alright, but this conversation isn’t over.” Archer says.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Later, Lana and Archer are driving back from the mission.

“Look, can you move on? It’s not that big a deal!” Lana says.

“Normally, yes, but I actually think you’re right.” Archer responds.

“Wait- really? Wow, that’s a rare moment of self-reflection from you.” Lana says, shocked.

“Yeah, whatever. Do you actually think that?” Archer asks.

“Well, for a secret agent, you sure do violate a lot of social rules” Lana responds.

“Wh- I am the perfect gentleman.” Archer retorted.

“Yeah, and pigs fly. What makes you think I was right?” Lana asks.

“Counting bullets” Archer says, taking a swig from his flask. “Plus encyclopedic knowledge of thinks that interest me. I only wear certain clothes, and I don’t like change.”

“Wow, that is- remarkably introspective.” Lana says. Archer takes another swig from his flask.

“So, what do you think?” Archer asks.

“Actually? I think it would be more surprising if you weren’t.” Lana says.

“By the way, don’t tell anyone we had this conversation.” Archer says. It’s scarcely noticeable, but there is a very small twinge of fear in his voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m not Pam.” She says. “But it may be useful to talk to an actual professional about it.”

“Yeah, no. I don’t need that following me around.” He retorts.

“Suit yourself” She says.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Later, while he is in his room, Archer is reminded of an event from his childhood.

Mother had taken him to a child psychologist, for a reason he couldn’t quite remember anymore. They had had him do a bunch of stuff. It was vague, but he remembered explaining pictures and playing with toys. Oh god, was I trying to shove a block through the wrong hole? They had also asked him a bunch of questions. 

Really, why was I there? 

Archer picks up his phone and selects his mother from his contacts. He listens to the ring. 

“Hello?” she says.

“Mother, remember that child psychologist you took me to when I was little?” He asks.

“Sure.”

“Why did you take me there?” He asks.

“Oh, who remembers?” Malory responds.

“Thought you might, Mother.” Archer answers.

“I don’t remember the reason. They suggested you might have a developmental disability, and that was when we left, since you definitely don’t” she explains.

“So… you’re saying Lana might have been on to something when she said I might have ‘undiagnosed atypical autism’?” Archer asks.

“It was probably one of those silly little jabs you idiots make at each other” Malory says.

Goddamn it, this again. Would it kill her to take this seriously? Since his first dive into researching it, he had done more research. It had become apparent how many of the diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder seemed to describe his behavior.

“No, she was serious. Her exact words, I believe, were ‘My theory, and I’m serious, is that he has some kind of pervasive developmental disorder, or maybe even undiagnosed atypical autism’. Would it kill you to take this seriously?” Archer asks.

“Oh, simmer down. If you’re so serious about this, why don’t you go to that quack that suggested it before?” Malory asks.

“I doubt I could find him, but maybe I will, to prove a point. Bye,” Archer says.

“Goodbye” Malory says, hanging up.

Alright, so that solved nothing. I don’t want to go to a professional. I just want the idea to be taken seriously. Is that so much to ask? Is it really so hard to believe? 

In reality, Archer has conflicting feelings on the matter. He does genuinely think that he could be autistic, but he also knows that people are bound to treat him differently. Although… there’s no reason he would have to tell anyone. Then again, he is almost 40, so there doesn’t seem to be much point in getting it confirmed or denied. And it would end up on his ISIS medical records… and the diagnostic process typically involves conversations with family members. To be fair, though, he had already brought it up with both Malory and Lana. Lana would probably take it seriously, and Malory… Malory probably wouldn’t take it seriously, but it was worth trying. After all, she might humor him.

He would deal with it in the morning. He would find someone to talk to about it. Or not. For now, he would forget about it. There didn't seem to be any point in pursuing it further.

**Author's Note:**

> I would've gone into the actual diagnosis process but I don't really know how to write that as really I only vaguely remember my own. At some point I will write that and it will have a lot more examples from canon.
> 
> Also, the scene with the psychologist comes from Heart of Archness. He was trying to put a wooden block into the wrong hole.


End file.
